To a Brother, In Loving Memory

At that moment I couldn’t stop myself and the tears I cried welled up in front of my eyes as I stood watching him and I became afraid, afraid that I had lost him. I loved him and now he was gone forever and I blinked and blinked struggling to see through the tears as the hospital lights lit them up like crystals to prevent me.

I peered through those faceted sparkles trying to see his face but instead my mind’s eye saw us as kids at Hirsch Creek in the halfway knee-deep rapids chasing the humpies, the sunlight glistening like diamonds off the waters a-boil with the churning of hundreds upon hundreds of humpback salmon. Bent at the waist and holding a salmon by the tail, he was grinning back at me and beckoning over his right shoulder in his beige plaid shirt with brush-cut rusty red hair, water pouring over and past the forgotten tops of his gumboots. It was all-silent, but clear as yesterday.

It was then, in that room, that things changed for me, inside me. The calming energy that passed through that space in that time carried a message to me that he was not gone forever, but that he is with me forever.

7 comments to “Memorial”

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  1. Lucy Tolhurst - McRae - March 8, 2014 at 7:13 am Reply

    I lost my sister last August as I sat keeping her company in her last days in hospital. I wish I could use your strength to find my way. It doesn’t work for me you see because I’m angry with her. She should not have gone…she could have stayed. She had the choice but didn’t see the warnings even when I asked her and then it was too late. 20 years earlier the story was repeated with my oldest sister…and it seems just like yesterday.

    • Conrad - March 10, 2014 at 4:33 pm Reply

      Lucy, I have some sense of how that might feel, I had similar experience with another family member. I hope that time leads us to a better understanding.

  2. Dayle - September 4, 2013 at 4:36 am Reply

    Wow! Thanks Ron, great timing for me, will be having a family meeting with my brother in the morning, this helps me with perspective.

  3. Norbert Kaysser - September 3, 2013 at 2:35 pm Reply

    So nice Conrad. Such a vivid picture. I have a brother, and we have been to the creek. Norbert

  4. Sandy - September 3, 2013 at 2:09 pm Reply

    How touching and beautiful. I’m so glad you’re using a forum to share and express yourself. One for others to respect and interact with you and your life. Reflects back to me as a brave step.

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